Monday, May 21, 2007
angst
im sorry shauna
i know how it feels to know that something is happening, but not knowing what exactly is happening. cos that is what is happening to me now
but for THIS, we really cant breathe a word about it. we cannot
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well, i think im feeling better. i felt like sai just now, but i think im better now. seems a load of my mind. suddenly. i have no idea why.
my mind is in chaos. one minute im feeling okay and the next i feel sad. right now, i feel lost. because i dont know what i can do. this. is. problematic.
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i feel much much better now. i feel more confident of being there for you. i believe this will blow over. and... the outcomes would be desirable. and ive learnt that i need to STOP WORRYING, FOR GOODNESS SAKE. i worry about everything under the sun, trivial or not. and its when i get blankouts when i really... talk rot. and sometimes, i dont even know what im talking about. and...i feel i dont get the gist of the situation.
well, what can be so bad? ive been through worse. HAH, EASILY SAID. but... to you people out there. crying isnt a crime! if you feel you need it, CRY OUT LOUD. hmm... if need be, punch things, go for a run, talk to someone! i guess the last option is the best. and choose someone who can really help.
-rolls eyes-
thanks to you. i tried to hint to you. that im in a difficult spot. but no, no, no, you didnt see it. you overlooked it. i wonder what has happened? youre being real weird nowadays, if you havent realised. okay, ive sorted my thoughts out. im gonna be there for you. and i feel, if you wanna break down, im fine with it. im ready for what youre gonna say too. im ready. and i dont mind. i admit i break down too. but it helps. i guess its my way of venting my anger. and i believe you agree too. talk? its easy to say. i dont see you doing it. your replies hurt me, in fact.
well, about you-know-who, i dont have the energy to care. i dont. im drained. just for now. im gonna leave it. and i dont care what you want. i dont care what your desired outcome is. you cant just pop up and expect me to listen to you. im sorry, thats not gonna be the case. priorities!
gaaah, i need to chill.
after this storm, there will be a rainbow. and i hope it comes out soon enough.
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joanieee: im sorry for talking rot. looking at it, it was really stupid. dumb. i think i need a brainwash, tsk
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i think i would have burst if i didnt talk to you. thank you so so so much. thanks for being there, it must have been hard. thanks for the advice too. i'll try my best from now on. and i'll bear in mind what you said. i have to learn to stop worrying! and i need to practise what i preach. take things slowly. one step at a time. i will. and i know i cant avoid this forever. i cant. the problems wont just disappear. poof. no way
ELLA!
9:16 PM